100 days of Avengers short shorts
by shadowsontherun
Summary: What do 6 drastically different Avengers of various levels of sanity do in their spare time? (the little brother fic of 100 days of Tony Stark Madness) They will face; bombs, Madagascar, a baseball bat, wedgies, sabertooth tigers, stinky cheese, lost hulk and a heck of a lot of Tony Stark at his finest.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

"I'LL GIVE YOU ONE LAST CHANCE LAD!" Tony shouted poking Bruce in the stomach with his rubber sword.

"Why is Tony dressed up as Jack Sparrow and making Bruce walk the diving board?" Clint asked slowly as he walked into the swimming pool area.

"I DON'T WANNA!" Bruce cried.

"TELL ME I'M PRETTY!" Tony demanded.

"NO!"

"THEN JUMP YOU QUIVERING COWARD!" Tony declared as he pushed Bruce towards the edge.

"GOOD BYE CRUEL WORLD!" Bruce sobbed as he jumped the 20 foot fall.

"Why didn't you just say I was pretty?" Tony asked in confusion.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"I DECLARE TODAY A DAY TO CELEBRATE THE AWESOMENESS THAT IS I TONY STARK-" Tony started his long awaited speech – which came to a screeching halt when he noticed a lone janitor standing in front of him with a mop.

"Sir…what are you doing on the stage of a preschool auditorium at 11 pm?" the janitor asked slowly. Tony paused.

"DON'T JUDGE ME I NEVER HAD THE CHANCE TO GRADUATE PRESCHOOL!" Tony balled as he ran away with his crayon award.


	3. Chapter 3

** Chapter 3 **

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM !" Thor said as he sat on the ground cross legged with a towel wrapped around his head.

"How long has he been doing that?" Bruce whispered peaking over the edge of the couch. The rest of the Avengers shrugged.

"We don't know - we're too scared to ask!" Steve whispered back.

"OOOOOOOOOM I can hear you, I'm not deaf," Thor said with his eyes still closed. They all squeaked.

"Let us pass oh almighty Thor!" Tony said throwing a rose at his feet. Thor sneezed.

"OOOOOOOOOOM! I don't like flowers," Thor said as his nose twitched awkwardly.

"What do you want? Money?" Tony asked desperately.

"OOOOOM! Join me!" Thor boomed.

"NO!"

"OOOOOOOOOM! Then face the wrath of my thunder," Thor said calmly. They all froze and looked up in horror as storm clouds started to form above their heads.

"STARK WHY DID YOU SHOW HIM THE MEDITATING VIDEOS!" they all shouted as they ran for their pathetic lives.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"HOT POTATO! HOT POTATO! HOT POTATO!" Clint shouted as he ran down the hall.

"Why doesn't he just get a bowl?" Thor asked in confusion.

"GIVE ME BACK MY POTATOES THEY'RE FOR OUR DINNER!" Bruce shouted as he ran after the fleeing archer with a spatula in his hands.

"YOU CAN'T SMASH THEM – POTATOES HAVE FEELINGS TOO!" Clint cried as he dashed out the door.

"IT'S CALLED MASHED POTATOES NOT SMASHED POTATOES!" Bruce yelled in frustration.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"Muhahahahaha…" Loki cackled evilly.

"Hehehehehehe…" Tony joined him while rubbing his hands together.

"HULK HULK HULK!" Hulk roared sitting behind them.

"Hahahahaa…" Clint said nervously.

"HO HO HO HO!" Thor boomed.

"Tehehehe?" Steve chimed in awkwardly.

The door slammed open to reveal a righteously pissed Russian spy – with a baseball bat.

"THE NEXT SUCKER TO LAUGH IS GOING TO GET BEAT!" Natasha warned dangerously.

"EP!" they all said in fear.

_WHACK!_

"AHHHHH!" Loki shouted as he flew into the atmosphere and landed in China face first in front of a panda.

"Who's next?" Natasha asked threateningly. Thor quickly dropped his hammer on Tony's foot.

"MOTHERFUCKER!" Tony cursed hopping around in place.

He paled instantly.

BAM!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"WE'VE LOST THE HUUUUUULK!" Steve said bursting into the room.

"DUN DUN DUN!"

"HOW DO YOU LOSE A 9 FOOT GREEN GIANT?" Natasha shrieked.

"DUN DUN DUN!"

"I DON'T KNOW! ONE SECOND I WAS BUYING HIM ICE CREAM – THE NEXT SECOND POOF! HE WAS GONE!" Steve said frantically waving his arms.

"DUN DUN DUN!"

"WHY WERE YOU BUYING HIM ICE CREAM?" they yelled in unison. Steve coughed nervously.

"DUN DUN-dun…?" Tony froze as Thor's hand shot out and placed a gentle pressure on the back of his neck. _Too_ gentle.

"HE GAVE ME THE PUPPY DOG EYES!" Steve wailed.

"HE'S NOT A DOG!" they shouted together.

_CRASH!_

They all spun around and stared at the upside down ice cream truck lying in front of a hulk that looked very pleased with himself.

"BAD HULK!" they shouted pointing 6 fingers at him. Hulk suddenly looked wheezy and a little bit _too_ green.

"Hulk no feel good...Hulk has brain freeze!" Hulk whined before he crashed to the floor.

"DUN DUN SQUEAK!" Tony croaked - he couldn't help it. Thor huffed and squeezed his little neck – with his pinky finger.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Bruce paused as he walked past the Avengers gym and sniffed the air. Something was up.

"ONE TWO THREE! ONE TWO THREE! ONE TWO THREE! KEEP YOUR CHIN UP ROGERS!" he heard Natasha order from behind the closed door. He slowly pushed it opened and his mouth nearly hit the floor.

"MY BALLET SHOES ARE TOO TIGHT!" Clint wailed as he tried to tiptoe in a little circle.

"Boy you look like bagel shop," Natasha said throwing a wad of gum at Clint's forehead.

"_Huh_?" they all asked in watery confusion.

"SHUT UP BARTON! I'M GETTING A TUTU WEDGY HERE!" Tony shouted as he twirled awkwardly.

"YOU'RE ARM LOOK LIKE DEAD CHICKEN!" Natasha said slamming her teacher stick beside the horrible ballet student.

"What does that _mean_?" Tony sobbed.

_STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! _

"Thor that's not dancing…that's prancing…" Natasha said dryly. Thor sniffled.

"It is the best I can do Miss Romanoff!" Thor sobbed.

"WHY ARE YOUR TEARS SO SMELLY?" Bruce asked in horror. The 4 Avengers continued to sob as they pirouetted across the makeshift dance floor.

"SAVE US BRUCE!"

"Oh no…not even god can save you now…" Bruce said closing the door slowly.

**A/N: My friend's ballet teacher is Russian…a real Russian…we still don't understand what she meant by dead chicken. If you have a similar Russian ballet teacher – let me know. **


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"How on earth would you make a bunker Tony?" Clint asked in confusion. Steve froze.

"WAIT RIGHT THERE!" he shouted as he ran off to his room. 5 seconds later he came rushing back with an arm full of construction equipment and wood.

They all stared at the ex-soldier as he got lost in his own little world.

"...and then this goes here! And you need this to be bolted down over here! and then if you stand here you can pull up this part! and then if you take this shovel you'll be able to do the most fun part!" Steve said gleefully. All the Avengers shared a disturbed look.

_cricket...cricket...cricket..._

"It was a rhetorical question..." Clint said slowly.

"Shhhhhh He's in his happy place..." Tony whispered.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 – Never trust a mad scientist**

BANG! CRASH! BOOM!

"Stark…what are you doing?" Steve asked cautiously walking into the Tony's lab. Tony looked up from his massive contraption – that really just looked like a big wooden box.

"Oh Captain – I could use a hand here! Can you stick this air tube through the inside of the box for me?" Tony said with a devious twinkle in his eye. Steve gave him a suspicious look.

"I promise to tell you what it is after you do it!" Tony offered with a big, big smile. Steve carefully walked over and peeked into the hollow box.

_WHACK_! Tony promptly stabbed the Captain with a sedative and kicked him into the box.

"STAR-ugh…" Steve fell to the floor with a crash.

"FOR SCIENCE!" Tony declared as he slammed the lid shut and and slapped a postage stamp on the top.

_Several hours later._

The captain suddenly woke and banged his head against the ceiling of the box.

"TONY STARK YOU ARE A DEAD MAN!" Steve roared angrily. He promptly kicked the door off the box and tumbled out ready to strangle a genius. He froze as he came face to face – with a hippo drinking out of a watering hole. All the other animals looked up at the strange, strange animal in their mists.

"WHERE THE HELL AM I?" Steve said frantically looking around the jungle scene.

"Welcome brother – to Madagascar!" a cheerful voice said from behind him. Steve whipped around and stared at the massive army of smiling lemurs hanging from every single tree as far as the eye could see. He finally cracked – when they started to _sing_.

"I LIKE TO MOVE IT! MOVE IT! WE LIKE MOVE IT! MOVE IT! YOU LIKE TO - MOVE IT!" they sang as they bobbed their heads in unison. A single lemur with a crown swung across the juggle trees by a vine and landed in front of him.

"Come now you've got to move your bum bum bugeyed tall giant!" the lemur said shaking some maracas as he danced around the frozen Captain.

_THUMP_!

"Oh he don't know how to move it does he?" the lemur said shaking his head at the unconscious human.

"Oh well! WHO ELSE LIKES TO MOVE IT?" he shouted cheerfully.

**A/N: Any requests from the peanut gallery? Haha the crazier the better! **


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter** 10 - **mambo**

The door burst open and all the Avengers looked up to see who it was - they regretted it instantly.

"Hola amigos! Who likes to mambo?" Tony exclaimed joyously. He was completely decked out in mexcian outfit wth the sombrero hat and all.

Cricket...cricket...

"Tony...why is there a gigantic mustache on your face?" Clint asked slowly. Gigantic tears welled up in his eyes.

"DON'T JUDGE MY MANLY MUSTACHIO!" Tony wailed as he ran away with his massive mustache dragging behind him.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 - WW3

Bruce walked out of Avengers tower and saw 50 girls literally mobbing Tony Stark in the middle of the street. Half of them had pitch forks and the other half had markers and a lot less clothes.

"What the heck is going on?" bruce asked incredeously.

"IT'S WORLD WAR THREE!" Steve sobbed as he finally managed to drag himself out of the mob.

"Between who?" Bruce asked in shock.

"TONY'S FANGIRLS AND HIS EX-GIRLFRIENDS!" Steve exclaimed in horror.

"LET ME GO! I'M NOT STARK!" Clint shouted at the top of his lungs. He was promptly kicked out of the circle.

"LET HIM GO BITCH!" A righteous fangirl shrieked.

"NOT UNTIL HE GIVES ME BACK THOSE 3 WEEKS OF MY LIFE!" an angrily Ex-girlfriend shouted.

"LADIES! Can't we resolved this peacefully?" Tony asked as he was roughly pulled back and forth between the two mobs.

"SHUT UP NO ONE ASKED YOU!" they shouted in unison.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 - scapgoat

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

4 male Avengers dashes around the corner at high speeds but paused when they saw an innocent Captain walking down the hall. They all shared a desparate look.

"SCAPEGOAT!" they shouted in unison. Tony promptly shoved a half dead looking teddy bear into Steve's confused hands and they all ran off in different directions.

"Huh?" Steve said as he stared at the plushie with a missing eye.

"HOW DARE YOU TAKE MR. SNUGGLES!" Natasha shrieked as she whipped around the corner. Steve froze and glanced down at the mutaliated teddy bear in has hands.

Uh oh.

Steve gulped.

Natasha narrowed her eyes.

Stever ran for his patheic life.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

"Get back here you teddy murderer!" She shouted with blazing eyes.

"I WAS FRAMED!" Steve wailed.

A/N: For abetha080 - thank you for the nice reviews!


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13 - Stay healthy

"1 calorie, 2 calories, 3 calories - DON'T YOU DARE PUT ONE EXTRA CEREAL ON TO THAT PLATE MISTER!" Natasha said dangerously. Clint paled.

"Yes Tasha," he squeaked.

"4 calories, 5 calories, 6 calories..." she continued to count with her calculator as Clint put his pieces of cereal on his plate.

The rest of the Avengers watched the two crazy spies at the end of the table with their spoons halfway to their mouth.

"What the heck is she doing to the poor man?" Steve asked in horror.

"He couldn't fit into his suit last night - so she's putting him on a strict diet," Bruce said dryly as he ate him oatmeal. Steve and Tony shared a horrified look.

"A DIET?" they shouted in terror.

"Don't sound so shocked - you could probably use one too Tony..." Bruce said pointedly looking at his belly fat.

"NUH UH!" Tony denied frantically as he pulled up his shirt and stared at his newly acquired belly blubber.

"WHEN DID THAT GET THERE?" Tony shouted in horror.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Tony was fast asleep in his nice warm - wait a minute. Why was his room so breezy today?

He opened his eyes and stared down a 70 story fall from a plank attached to the top of Avengers Tower.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Tony screamed as he held onto the plank for dear life.

_Creak_.

"OHHHHHHHHHHH NO! OH NO, NO, NO, NO!" Tony cried at the top of his lungs.

SNAP!

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" Tony shrieked as he fell to his doom at an insane speed.

Meanwhile, Clint was training in the shooting range with music blasting in his ears.

"AHHHHHHHH!" Tony screamed as he fell past Clint's floor. Clint didn't notice a thing.

_5 seconds later._

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Tony screamed even louder as he got pulled back up the side of the tower by a bungee cord. Clint still saw nothing.

"AHHHHHHH! FREAKING LOOK OUT THE WINDOW YOU DEAF ARCHER!" Tony screeched as he fell through the sky once more. Clint continued to hum to himself.

_25 minutes later._

Clint finally left the shooting range and went over to take a drink from his water bottle sitting next to the window. He promptly spat out the water all over the floor when he finally noticed the dangling genius viciously waving his arms and giving him very inappropriate hand gestures.

"What the heck are you doing out there Stark?" Clint asked incredulously. Tony was about to give a very colorful reply when the front door of Avengers Tower slammed open and out walked Steve Rogers himself.

"THAT'S WHAT YA GET FOR MAILING ME TO FREAKING AFRICAAAAAA!" Steve shouted up at the dangling genius.

**A/N: The score now is... Tony 3856 : Steve 1 - LMAO**


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

"WOULD YOU LIKE SOME TEA?" A little girl asked the Hulk very loudly. Hulk huffed as he sat at the tiny coffee table decked out in a frilly pink dress with a matching pink tea party hat.

"Hulk not deaf little girl with big voice," Hulk mumbled as he stared down at his cup which was the size of his tooth. The little girl narrowed her eyes.

"YOU DIDN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION MISS HULKY!" the little girl said threateningly shaking the teapot in his face. The hulk cowered in fear.

Girls were scary.

"Hulk don't want no more tea," the Hulk said nervously.

Death stare.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" she said darkly.

If hulks could wimper...

"Who the heck is that?" Clint asked staring at the little redheaded girl playing house with the green giant. Tony and Steve shared a wary look.

"Um...she's certain russian spy who got caught in a deaging experiment?" Tony laughed nervously.

"YOU MINIATURIZED MY GIRLFRIEND?" Clint shrieked.


	16. Chapter 16

**Avengers shorts - Chapter 16**

"TELL US WHERE YOU HID OUR WEAPONS LOKI!" Clint said vigorously shaking the demigod in the air.

"NEVER!" Loki shouted defiantly.

All 6 Avengers narrowed their eyes at the rebellious demigod.

"Get the persuasive measures," Tony said darkly. Clint ran off to completely Tony's demand.

"YOU WOULDN'T DARE!" Loki said spitefully.

Tony smirked. He simply smirked. Clint came racing back with a massive, gigantic – toilet bowl. Loki's eyes widened to epic proportional.

"DUNK HIM!" Tony declared.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Loki cried. Thor promptly picked up his brother and dumped him face first into the massive toilet Tony just happened to have on hand.

SPLASH!

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Loki howled from the depths of the toilet sea.

_Blub. Blub. Blub._

"DID YOU HAVE ENOUGH?" Natasha shouted angrily. Steve pulled up the dripping demigod by his feet and had him dangle above the toilet seat. He looked like a drowned rat.

"I'LL NEVER GIVE IN!" Loki shouted defiantly.

Tony gave the stubborn demigod an evil stare.

"_Flush_ the toilet," he said ominously.

Le gasp.

"WHAT?" Loki screamed. Steve promptly dropped the poor sucker back into the bowl and slammed his hand down on the toilet handle.

_WHOOSH_!

They all watched as Loki spun around and around and around the massive white bowl.

"I THINK! I'M GOING! TO THROW UP!" Loki shouted sounding exceptionally queasy.

"Good thing you're already in a toilet then you bow and arrow thief!" Clint said maliciously.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Steve walked into the common room and froze.

"Oh my god…" he said in shock.

Panda posters on the wall.

Panda plushies on the couch.

Panda beans bags in the corner.

Panda magnets on the fridge.

Panda carpets on the floor.

Panda documentary special on the TV.

Panda shaped cake on the counter.

A GIANT PANDA IN THE CENTER OF THE ROOM!

Wait….no that's hulk dressed as a panda.

"WHY DOES LIFE NOT MAKE SENSE ANYMORE?" Steve wailed as he fell to his knees.

"Hulk like pandas…?" Hulk said sheepishly.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

"Bye hulk!" they all waved as the Hulk stomped down the beaten road with a bag filled with extra pants over his shoulder.

"Where is he going exactly…?" Steve asked dryly as he continued to wave. Clint shrugged.

"He's going to fulfill his destiny…by challenging King Kong and stealing his tittle," Clint replied with equal dryness.

"Does Banner know about this?" Natasha asked curiously.

All the male Avengers laughed nervously.

"Who? The doctor?"

_5 hours later._

"YOU FREAKING SENT THE HULK TO A DEATH SENTENCE?" Bruce shrieked into the phone as he ran for his life. Tony pulled the phone away from his ear – darn the doctor can hit the high notes.

"He was fulfilling his destin-" Tony started to say.

"TO HELL WITH DESTINY! KING KONG WANTS ME TO BE HIS TEDDY BEAR!" Bruce screamed as he ducked when a gigantic hairy arm shot out to grab him.

"King Kong like little green man," The gorilla said with a deep chortle.

"LITTLE?" the Avengers shouted in shock.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

"You know Stark its 7pm and nothing too crazy has happ-AHHHHHHHHH!" Clint screamed as he fell through the floor. Literally. Tony blankly stared at the spot Clint just disappeared into.

"You really shouldn't have said that katniss," Tony said dryly.

The door banged open and a Hulk riding a motorcycle burst into the room with a frantic Steve Rogers chasing behind him.

"GIVE ME BACK MY BABY!" Steve growled. Tony's eyes widened as they headed right for him.

"WAIT! GUYS THERE IS A HO-" Tony tried to warn them but he was too late.

BANG!

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Steve and Tony shouted as they held on to each other as they fell through the ground.

"HUUUUUUUUULK CAAAAAAAN'T SMAAAAAAAAAAASH!" Hulk roared as he fell still hanging onto the motorcycle.

"Oh shit!" Clint cried as he dived to the side.

CRASH!

"Ugh...hulk feel like pancake," Hulk groaned as he pushed the two frozen Avengers off of him.

They all stared at each other warily.

"There is only one thing left to do," Clint said slowly.

"NATASHAAAAAAAAAAA!" they wailed.

Natasha looked up from her book suddenly as she walked through the common room.

"What have you idiots done now?" she asked suspiciously. She took a hesitant step forward and then regretted it immediately.

"WHAT THE HEEEEEEELL?" she shrieked as she flailed her arounds arms around trying to slow her fall.

"Oh here comes our saviour," Tony said dryly.

"Don't worry Tasha I'll catch you!" Clint said as he held out his arms to catch her.

THUM!

Natasha's book hit him smack in the face and knocked him to the floor. Natasha promptly crashes into his abused figure laying on the ground.

"Thanks for cushioning my fall honey," Natasha said patting him on the head.

"No...problem..." Clint croaked.

"MY FRIENDS HAVE YOU SEEN A MAGIC - AHHHHHHH!" Thor yelled as he too fell through the floor.

THUMP!

"Ugh! My...back..." Clint croaked. Thor quickly got off the flattened archer.

"Oh... so that is where the invisible hole went..." Thor said in surprise as he looked up at the gigantic hole he fell through.

5 mouths hit the floor in disbelief.

"WHY THE HELL DO YOU HAVE AN INVISIBLE HOLE LYING AROUND?" they shouted in unison.

"It was meant for my brother..." Thor mumbled as he hung his head in defeat.

They all pointed to the corner of the hole.

"INTO THE CORNER! NOW!" they said angrily. Thor dragged his feet as he walked into the corner of shame.

"Why can't I be the mischievous one for once?" Thor mumbled as he poked a squishy worm on the ground.

A/N: Haha that was the whole team! Do you guys mind if some of them are not so short? XD


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20 - Prankster in training  
**

"Alright so you just attach this chain to his skinny little ankles and the rocket will do the rest okay?" Clint explained as he showed Thor the chains of destiny. Thor nodded his head very quickly.

"Yes! I understand!" Thor said like an excited little child.

"Are you ready to break your stereotype Thor?" Clint said valiantly. Thor puffed his chest out proudly.

"I am ready!" Thor boomed.

"Are you ready to prove to the world you got balls of steel?" Clint said excitedly.

"I do not technically have balls - okay yes!" Thor said quickly as he saw the glare Clint was sending him.

"Go get em tiger!" Clint said and he tossed the cuffs to Thor. Thor smiled too widely as they quickly sneaked into the holding cell that contained a sleeping Loki who was back on Earth for a mandatory trial.

"600 YEARS OF REVENGE!" Thor whispered as he slammed the shackles down on Loki's ankles.

"1,2,3 LIGHT IT UP!" Clint whispered. Thor quickly lite the rocket with a match and then they ran for their lives.

"What's that _awful _smell...?" Loki groaned as he rolled over and came face to face with the end of a rocket on fire.

"AHHHHHHHHHH! WHY AM I ATTACHED TO A ROCKET?" Loki shrieked as he frantically tried to get out of his shackles. The rocket string finally ran out - too late.

WHOOSH!

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHH!" Loki screamed as he got pulled across the room and crashed through the helicarrier window - 30,000 feet above the surface.

Thor and Clint high-fived as they watched Loki soar across the night sky in awe.

_BANG_!

Bright colours of fireworks exploded in the distance as they watched a screaming demigod fall into the ocean below.

"It was so beautiful..." Thor said in awe. Clint patted him on the back.

"You did well little padawan," Clint said sounding impressed. Thor gaped.

"Did you you just refer to me as your bitch in asgardian?" Thor asked in shock. Clint froze.

"WHAT? NO!" Clint exclaimed going beet red.

**A/N: Honestly...the humour that is in some of the things this demigod says...literally has me in stitches! AND I'M THE AUTHOR OF THIS INSANITY! XD **


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

"PADAWAN! PADAWAN! PADAWAN!" Tony shouted hysterically as he ran down the street.

"STOP SAYING THAT WORD! THERE ARE CHILDREN AROUND! THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN!" Thor hollered after the runaway avenger.

"NEVER! PADAWAN IS MY NEW FAVOURITE WORD! YO PADAWAN!" Tony cackled as everyone on the street gave him weird looks.

"What the heck is Tony saying?" Steve asked slowly as they watched the two Avengers race around the corner.

"Buddy you don't want to know," Clint said still in shock.

"Why are your ears turning red?" Steve asked in confusion.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

"JUMP MY MINIONS! JUMP! MUHAHAHAHAHA!" Tony cackled as he held a strawberry tied to the end of a fishing rode over the edge of a cliff while hundreds of lemmings jumped over the edge trying to reach the delicious fruit.

"What the heck is Stark doing?" Steve asked in horror.

"He finally found an animal dumber then him," Bruce said dryly.

"I AM THE LEMMING KING! AHAEHAHAHAHA!" Tony declared. Steve and Bruce peeked over the edge of the cliff and gaped.

"Oh my god the little furry things are climbing up the mountain to try AGAIN?" Steve exclaimed in disbelief.

"TONY STARK! HOW DARE YOU TEACH THE WILD LIFE TO COMMIT SUICIDE?" an angry voice shouted from behind them. Everyone froze. Uh oh. Pepper was here.

"MOVE ASIDE FELLAS! IT'S MY TURN!" Tony said frantically shoving the little Lemmings to the side and promptly canon balled into the sea.


	23. Chapter 23

**chapter 13**

6 Avengers sat at the kitchen table - eating pineapple soup.

"AHHHH! THAT'S IT! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! PINEAPPLE CEREAL! PINEAPPLE SANDWICHES! PINEAPPLE TACOS? WHAT NEXT? PINEAPPLE COOKIES?" Steve shouted throwing his spoon onto the table.

"I think we finally broke him..." Tony whispered to Clint.

"Actually that's what we're making tomorrow.." Bruce said looking at their meal calendar. Steve looked like he was about to spontaneously combust.

"YOU! WHY YOU BUY A FRIDGE FULL OF PINEAPPLES?" Steve said angrily staring a sheepish Thor into the ground.

"I lost the item called a shopping list...?" Thor said cowering in fear.

"OH MY GOD! From now on only Bruce and I are allowed to do the grocery shopping? Okay?" Steve said - he was finally fed up. They all glanced at the fridge full of pineapples and the cupboards full of oatmeal (evidence of Natasha's shopping stint).

"Agreed."


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

BOOM.

BOOM.

BOOM.

All the Avengers froze in horror and as an enraged Russian spy stomped past the curtain they were all hiding behind.

"Stop trembling Bruce!" Clint hissed. Bruce held onto the curtain for dear life.

"I can't help it!" Bruce whispered in fear.

Suddenly the angry footsteps stopped across the room.

Clint looked at Bruce. Bruce looked at Steve. Steve looked at Thor. Thor looked at Tony. Tony frantically looked at the wall!

They all looked like they were about to cry.

"I can't take it anymore!" Bruce shouted. They all stared at him in horror.

"No Bruce! Don't do it!" they all cried in unison.

"WE ATE YOUR CHOCOLATE CAKE!" Bruce confessed falling to his knees begging for mercy.

They all froze as the curtain fell to the ground and left them exposed to Natasha's epic fury.

"RUN FOR YOUR PATHETIC LIVES!" Natasha said darkly taking out a machine gun. They all paled.

"WHY BRUCE? WHY?" they all cried as they ran for their lives with a gun wielding spy hot on their trail.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Natasha stared at the Captain that was on his knees decked out in a pink apron vigorously sweeping away the crumbs all over the floor.

"Steve...what are you doing...?" Natasha asked slowly.

"THE CRUMBS! THE TRAIL NEVER STOPS!" Steve shouted crawling his way out the door while following the crumbs.

Natasha slowly turned around and followed the frantically cleaning clean freak down the hall. She watched him clean his way into a dark room at the end of the hall. She peeked her head in and instantly sweat dropped at what she saw.

Two extremely fat bloated Avengers sat in the middle of the biggest cookie mountain Natasha and Steve had ever seen.

"YOU WILL NOT WIN STARK!" Clint exclaimed slowly shoving another chocolate chip in his mouth.

"497 Clint Barton. 496 Mr. Stark," JARVIS' robotic voice chimed in.

"I GOT A BOTTOMLESS PIT STOMACH! JUST WATCH AND LEARN KATNISS!" Tony declared shoving TWO cookies into his mouth.

Clint's eyes bulged.

"I-I I WILL NOT BE OUT DONE BY A MAD SCIENTIST WHO STARVES HIMSELF FOR WEEKS!" Clint shouted shoving FOUR cookies in his mouth.

Tony's jaw hit the floor.

Clint looked like he was about to throw up but he managed to swallow the insane number of cookies on top of the ones already sitting in his bloated stomach.

"500 Clint Barton. 498 Mr. Stark," JARVIS' robotic voice said.

Tony looked like he was about to cry. He tried to shove 8 cookies in his mouth...but it just wasn't happening.

"I WIN! Oh my tummy..." Clint groaned.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Tony wailed falling to the floor.

"So that's how the cookies crumbled..." Natasha said warily.

"You're not going to kill us?" Tony asked in shock. She gave his bloated stomach a pointed look.

"Nothing I do will be worse then the stomach ache you'll get tomorrow," Natasha said with a shrug. Tony paled.

"I THOUGHT YOU SAID THEY WERE FAT FREE MAN?" Tony shouted at Clint. Clint laughed nervously.

"That doesn't mean there's no sugar in them..."


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

All Natasha wanted to do at this point was to go to her room and sleep for the next 3 days. She was exhausted and pissed.

However 5 nervous Avengers were standing in her way.

"Hey Natasha want to go for a run?" Steve asked suddenly blocking her path down the hall.

"Are you kidding me Steve? It's freaking midnight!" Natasha said in disbelief. Steve winced.

"Night runs are fun too!" Steve said quickly.

"Maybe some other time Steve," she said walking around him.

"Natasha! Natasha! Um...did you remember to lock the front door?" Bruce suddenly asked blocking the doorway into the Avengers common room.

"We have security guards Bruce..." Natasha said slowly. Bruce frantically glanced at Stark.

"Yo Red! Did you make sure to finish your mission reports before you came here?" Tony asked panickedly.

"Why the hell do you care Stark?" Natasha asked angirly. They all looked at Clint desperately as their last resort.

"Ah..." he couldn't say a word.

"What did you idiots do?" Natasha asked darkly. She narrowed her eyes. Clint took one look at her pissed expression and cracked.

"DON'T GO INTO YOUR ROOM TASHA!" Clint wailed falling to his knees in defeat.

They all instantly paled.

The next thing they knew Natasha was kicking her door into the wall and stared at the insanity before her. The entire length of her walls were covered in bats and hanging from her ceiling was the largest bat of all.

"I am Count Dracula! And if you dare to disturb my new doma-" Natasha promptly whipped out her gun, loaded it with a fresh garlic bud and shoved the gun into the Count's mouth.

"GET. OUT. NOW," she said with the fires of hell burning in her eyes.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

Tony burst into Bruce's lab and started jumping up and down and flailing his arms around.

"Did someone die?" Bruce asked warily. Tony frantically shook his head.

"Did you blow up something you weren't supposed to?" Bruce guessed. Tony shook his head again.

"Do you really need to go to the washroom?" Bruce asked in confusion. Tony glared at him and made crazy hand gestures that Bruce's couldn't understand at all.

"Damn it Stark! Why the heck are you choosing today to be a mute?" Bruce asked irritably.

"Babe, your beauty makes the morning sun look like the dull glimmer of the moon!" Tony said when he opened his mouth. He frantically slammed his hand over his mouth and his eyes bulged.

Bruce paused.

"Did you just flirt with me?" Bruce asked slowly.

"You're house or mine?" Tony squeaked through his hands. Bruce paled.

"Tell me you're not flirting me with!" Bruce said with panic. Tony looked like he was about to cry.

"Don't worry sugar – it's only a matter time before you realize I'm Romeo to your Juliet!" Tony declared falling to his knees and spreading his arms out in front of him. Desperate tears were in his eyes. Bruce looked like he was about to pass out.

"YOU'RE THE REASON EVERYONE THINKS I'M GAY!" Bruce cried running out of his lab. Tony ran after him with a wilting rose.

"My love burns like the sun that keeps this flower alive!" Tony exclaimed.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Bruce shouted.

"BABY DON'T LEAVE ME! WE WERE MEANT TO BE!" Tony shouted as he was dragged by an invisible force in Bruce's direction.

Loki stood beside Fury and held his hand out for his reward.

"You have 3 hours of freedom," Fury said reluctantly passing Loki a set of car keys.

"Oh yeah baby. Pleasure doing business with you Sir," Loki said tipping his hat in Fury's direction.

**A/N: Sorry for not posting! I was busy the last couple of days! :( I hope these made up for it! **


	28. Chapter 28

**chapter 28**

Steve twitched his nose as he lay on his bed snoozing away.

CRUNCH!

Steve groaned and shoved his pillow over his head.

SLURP!

Steve angrily threw his blankets off and sat up.

"STARK WHY CAN I HEAR-" Steve started to shout but froze as he stared at 20 elves in tiny black suits and a magical scroll of names in their hands. One of them had a bag of chips and some soda.

"Steve Rogers you've been a very naughty boy this year!" the elf with the biggest green hat said warningly. The rest of the elves crossed their arms and nodded their heads.

"What? But I was good! I said my pleases and thank yous!" Steve said incredulously.

"It also says here you blew up the eiffel tower for fun, crashed a jet into Mount Everest and drew a mustache on the Mona Lisa," the elf said while reading off his magical document. Steve paled.

"That was-" The big buff elf slapped a happy face sticker over Steve's protesting mouth.

"Take him away boys," the head elf said and with a snap of his fingers he was gone.

"NOOOO! THOSE ARE ALL STARK'S BAD DEEDS!" Steve wailed as he was dragged into the magic portal by his toes.

"Tell it to the judge," an elf said rolling his eyes.

"AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! TRICKED THE ELVES AGAIN! AHAHAHAHHAAHA!" Tony cackled as he teepeed the white house.


	29. Chapter 29

**chapter 29**

All the Avengers were lined up at a starting line ready to race a three legged race.

"Why am I stuck with you again?" Steve muttered beside Tony. Tony snorted.

"Stuff it . I'm an awesome partner!" Tony said puffing his chest out. Steve groaned.

"Everyone ready? 3, 2, 1 - GO!" agent Hill shouted blowing her whistle. Thor and Bruce were instantly in the lead with Clint and Natasha not far behind.

20 feet behind them was a angry Steve frantically dragging a slow Tony Stark behind him.

"Run faster Stark!" Steve shouted practically dragging Tony through the ground.

"ROGERS! I'M NOT A FREAKING SUPER SOLDIER! I CAN'T RUN AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT!" Tony exclaimed. Steve paused as he stared at his relatively slow teammate.

"When life gives you lemons…" Steve stated slowly.

"YOU TAKE MATTERS INTO YOUR OWNS HANDS AND HIJACK THE SITUATION!" Steve declared as he promptly threw Tony over his shoulder and ran even faster.

"THAT'S NOT WHAT LEMONS DO!" Tony cried.

A/N: Yes this is similar to a scene from lost in the seas of forgotten memories. That is my story too :) i thought It'd be fun to put that scene in a different context. I can copy my own work guys XD


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

Tony Stark was inching into the Avengers Tower with an over sized coat that made him look like a fat chicken. He turned the corner of the hall and smacked right into 5 very suspicious Avengers with their arms crossed over their chest.

"Really?" Steve asked frankly. Tony gave him a freakishly big smile - they didn't budge an inch.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"You really think you're getting anyway near our rooms with that?" Clint asked gesturing towards the massive hunchback that Tony apparently gained in the last 3 hours.

"Um...I went to the gym?" Tony tried desperately. They all gave him a look.

"MEEP!" a little voice squeaked from inside his coat. They all narrowed their eyes.

"Tony..." Bruce said warningly.

"What? I like to meep sometimes...haha... meep..." Tony said nervously. Suddenly a little pink fluffy head poked out of his collar and stared at the 5 people standing in front of Tony. They've seen a lot of things during their time on this insane team...but this? This crosses the line.

"IT'S A MUTATED PUFFBALL!" Steve shouted in disbelief. Tony paled and suddenly bolted down the opposite end of the hall.

"YOU CAN'T HAVE MY FRIENDS THEIR MINE!" he shouted as he ran for his life. Several more little heads poked out of his sleeves and pockets.

"MEEP! MEEP! MEEP!" they all squeaked.

"What the heck are those?" Natasha asked in shock.

Suddenly the entire foyer was flooded with CIA agents and the military surrounding the building.

"TONY STARK! YOU HAVE VIOLATED 37 STATE LAWS BY STEALING GOVERNMENT PROPERTY!" one of the army officer's shouted through a voice amplifier.

"HOW ABOUT ALL THOSE LAWS ABOUT ANIMAL CRUELTY?" Tony cried as he ran around the corner.

BOOM!

The Avengers all poked their head around the corner and stared at the massive pink inflated montage of fluffiness - with several tiny eyes. They squinted their eyes and finally identified a Tony Stark caught right in the middle.

"I don't think those are animals..." Natasha said warily.

**A/N: LOL exploding puffballs...**


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

"Tony..." Steve asked slowly.

"Yeah Steve?" Tony asked as he read the latest engineering magazine and laughed at their pitiful attempts at inventions.

"Why are you lying on top of an Indian elephant reading your geeky magazines?" Steve said as he continued to stare at the insanity before him. The longer he stared the more he wanted to take a freaking vacation - away from Stark.

"Oh it's this elephant exchange program i signed up for," Tony said waving his hands like it was no big deal. Steve paused.

"You have a pet elephant we didn't know of?" he asked in confusion.

Tony simply smirked.

2,500 miles away.

"I DID NOT KNOW AMERICAN ELEPHANTS WERE GREEN AND SO HAIRY PAPA!" a little boy shouted as he ran down the street.

"HULK NOT A PUNY ELEPHANT!" Hulk roared as he ran after the boy. He was so insulted!

"IT'S TALKS TOO!" the amazed zookeeper exclaimed as he watched the the elephant run after his son.

"HULK SHOW YOU HULK NOT AN ELEPHANT!" Hulk huffed as he stopped chasing the little boy. he promptly picked up a car a threw it into the lake beside them.

SPLASH! The zookeeper and his son were instantly soaked.

"SEE? HULK STRONG!" Hulk roared.

"Wait...so are you a gorilla?" the zookeeper asked in confusion.

"HULK! Hulk...give up..." Hulk said in defeat as he sat on the ground. Maybe they'll give him a snack if he took a break from smashing.

"Well that was easy to tame..." the zookeeper said in surprise.

**A/N: Oh my god Tony...oh poor hulk XD**


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

"So this is the L-76 micro-rocket tazzer. It's a highly unstable prototype - but once we get the kinks out it will be able to knock out anything with a single shot - even a hulk!" Tony said excitedly. Bruce stood beside his jumpy lab partner and periodically kept shooting the metal weapon a wary glance. He wasn't nearly as half excited.

"You woke us up at 3 am to show us _this_?" Clint exclaimed in disbelief. Tony pouted.

"IT'S A SCIENTIFIC BREAKTHROUGH!" Tony said defensively. Clint smacked his palm over his face.

"Tony...just...no...its way to freaking late for this. Let's go back to bed Tasha," Clint muttered as he turned around to leave. He paused when she didn't respond. He turned around and stared at the sad scene in front of him.

Natasha was frozen to the ground staring at the high tech weapon like it was the most delicious chocolate in the world.

"Oh my god not _again_!" Clint groaned.

"Is she drooling?" Tony whispered to Steve. He shrugged.

"At this rate? I think she's going to faint from the brilliance of that weapon..." Steve said warily.

"Tasha? TASHA!" Clint shouted waving his hand in front of his partner's face.

"Huh?" she asked shaking herself out of her daze. Clint sighed and dragged her down the hall.

"But...but..." she started to protest. He shook his head as they rounded the corner.

"No Tasha...don't even say it," he warned.  
_  
2 hours later. _

BOOM!

Clint looked up at the empty side of the bed and groaned before he shoved his head under his pillow.

"Damn you Stark...just damn you..." Clint grumbled as he sunk deeper into his covers. His girlfriend ditched him for a weapon engineer.

_10 stories below the surface. _

"SHOOT IT AGAIN! SHOOT IT AGAIN!" Tony shouted as he and Natasha ran down the hall with a roaring Hulk dragging his arms behind him like noodles.

"HULK STILL HAS FEET!" Hulk roared after them.

"YOU SAID IT WOULD WORK ON THE FIRST TRY!" Natasha shouted.

"LADY IT'S CALLED A PROTOTYPE! IT HAD A MARGIN FOR FAILURE!" Tony shouted as they both ran down a stair case and through another hall Tony would have to repair later. Shit his insurance was going to go up again.

"I'LL GIVE YOU FAILURE!" Natasha shouted pointing the tazzer at him. Tony paled.

"Now...Red...we're on the same team right?" he laughed nervously. A big green foot came crash down between them. They both paled.

"RUN!" they shouted and continued fleeing down the hall.

"HULK. WILL EAT YOUR PUNY- bekhfuelsjmmmmmmmmm-" Hulk's face went slack. He simply continued to stomp his way towards them. The two avengers ran around the corner and froze.

It was a goddamn dead end.

"JUST SHOOT HIM AGAIN ROMANOFF!" Tony cried as they backed up against the wall as the Hulk continued to stomp murderously down the hall.

"I'm going to shoot him and when that doesn't work I'll shoot you and then I'll shoot myself," Natasha said dangerously. Tony shot her an incredulous look.

"Woman you're crazy- just shoot damn it!" Tony shouted.

BANG!

They both watched in relief as the large green giant crashed to the floor 2 feet in front of them.

"I wanted to do that for a long time," Natasha said in shock.

"High five Red..." Tony said as the two most incompatible Avengers stood beside each other and stared at the massive snoring Hulk laying in front of them completely knocked out. Natasha reluctantly complied with Tony's request.

"You know this is only a one time thing right?" she said warily. He shrugged.

"Eh life would be too weird if you weren't around to kill us all Red," Tony said with a shrug.

"At least you understand the truth of life Stark," Natasha said sounding satisfied.


	33. Chapter 33

**chapter 33**

"Oh my gosh! A present? For me?" Tony asked excitedly jumping around a big green box with his name of it in the center of the room. Everyone shared the same wary look - no one sends a billionaire a gift for no reason. Especially not one as annoying as theirs.

Tony pulled the bow off the box and poked his head inside.

"AHHHHH!" he screamed and quickly fell out of the box and scrambled back as far away as he could. They all glanced back at the box and gaped as a gigantic 60 foot cobra rose from the depths of the box of doom.

"Ssssss...sssssmall man sssound like good sssnack," the enormous snake hissed as it slithering closer to Tony's shaking form.

"GUYS? A LITTLE HELP HERE?" Tony shouted. Bruce glanced up at the cowering genius and raised an eyebrow.

"Why? You look like you got things covered," Bruce said simply. They all froze as they took in Bruce's casual comment.

"Bruce where did the monster cobra come from..." Steve asked slowly. Bruce simply sipped his cofee and smiled devious.

Note to self - there is a reason Tony Stark can manage to be partners with a seeming boring Bruce Banner.

He can be an evil genius too man.

"Nice...ugly...cobra..." Tony croaked as the gigantic monster snake started making loops around his body.

"Remind me to get him something really nice for his birthday," Natasha whispered to Clint. He stared at the insanity before him.

"Um...Tasha...you better run..." he whispered back. The next she knew there was suddenly a large green tail wrapped around her leg.

"OH HELL NO!" Natasha shrieked as she was dragged into the air and hanged upside down.

"...sssuch a tiny ssssnack..." the snake said shaking its head as to stared at Natasha in the face.

"LET ME KILL THE NARCISSITC BASTARD FIRST BEFORE I DIE!" she shouted.

They all stared her.

"You're girlfriend has messed up priorities Clint..." Steve said as they watched as Natasha tried to bash Tony over the head with a dictionary while hanging upside down.

"IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT STARK!" Natasha shouted as she swung closer to get a shot at him.

"HEY! I FUEL YOUR ADDICTION WOMAN! YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT ME!" Tony shouted back as he ducked.

Silence.

Natasha narrowed eyes challengingly.

"Bruce if i promise to hunt down and remove every single tracking device and reports about your condition in SHIELD AND CIA records and long term archives will you personally design my firearms for me?" Natasha asked glancing at the calmer genius.

"Done."

"DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!" she screamed throwing random objects in Stark's direction with perfect accuracy.

"BANNER YOU TRAITOR!" Tony wailed.


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

"GUYS! GUYS! Guess what I found on eBay for 3 bucks!" Tony shouted as he ran into the Avengers common room and promptly tripped on Bruce's massive train set that spanned the entire length of the room.

"AHHH! MY MASTER PIECE!" Bruce shouted.

"AHH MY HAIR!" Steve cried as he stared at the jar sitting on his head.

"NOO MY JAR OF DIRT!" Tony sobbed as he watched his 3 bucks fall to the floor. Bruce paused in his dramatic shock and stared at the black substance pouring out all over the floor with great wariness.

"Tony...I don't think that's dirt..." Bruce said cautiously.

They all paled.

"Why is my head itching...?" Steve asked slowly.

"Now that I think about...mine is too..." Tony said nervously.

They all froze.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" they all screamed in unison.

"STARK WE'RE GOING TO KILL YOU!" Steve shouted as he itched his head like crazy.

"WAHH! I DIDN'T KNOW!" Tony wailed.

Suddenly the door slammed open to reveal the one woman who could silence the avengers forever.

It wasn't Natasha - she was one of them by now.

"ALL OF YOU SHUT UP! SOME PEOPLE ACTUALLY WORK IN THIS BUILDING! I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS NOISE UNLESS YOUR HEAD IS BEING DUNKED IN A TOILET - AND EVEN THEN! UNDERSTOOD?" Pepper shouted.

Whimper.

Pepper finally calmed down enough to actually notice the state of the avengers who frighteningly resembled headless chickens itching themselves like monkeys.

"Oh hell no I'm not dealing with this," Pepper said darkly.

_2 hours later_.

3 bald Avengers were found sobbing in the corner.

"Pepper...I didn't know you had it in you..." Natasha said in shock.

"I have the patience for many things agent Romanoff...but i do NOT have the patience for lice," Pepper said blankly.

"My hair..." a tiny sob was hear from the corner of doom.


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

Two avengers sat in front of the window looking out from the highest floor in the Avengers Tower - laughing their ass off. Several miles out above the ocean there was several floating green graffiti letters that spelt "_GREETINGS! WE COME IN PEACE!" _

"How long do you think it will take Fury to notice his invisible ship isn't so invisible anymore?" Tony gasped as he died laughing beside his partner in crime. Clint wiped a tear from his eyes.

"I don't know you tell me! No one will know unless they get shot down or something," Clint laughed. Speak of the devil and he shall appear. Suddenly there was an army of fighter jets speeding across the horizon directly in line with the helicarrier - uh oh.

"WE'RE ONLY GIVING YOU ONE WARNING UNKNOWN ENEMY IN UNITED STATE AIRSPACE! IF YOU DO NOT STAND DOWN WE WILL SHOOT! I REPEAT WE WILL SHOOT!" an officer shouted through a loud voice amplifier that resonated across the city. Tony and Clint paled.

"Oh shit...get Hill on the phone! Get her on the phone!" Clint shouted falling off his chair. They both bashed their heads head together trying to reach the cellphone lying on the floor.

"UGH! STARK YOUR HEAD IS FREAKING HARD!" Clint groaned.

"Shut up Mr. Field agent - yours is not a teddy bear either," Tony grumbled. He winced as he held his bruised eye and looked around for the phone.

"Quick! What's her number?" Tony said staring at the bruised archer.

"435-355-34-"

BOOM!

They both froze as they slowly turned towards the window and gaped as a missile flew past them and hit the invisible ship in the distance. They watched any hope of salvation die as the ship started falling through the sky. They could make out hundreds of little shield agents parachuting off the flaming helicarrier. They were surrounded by military personnel instantly. Tony slowly put the phone down.

"Stark..." Clint said nervously.

"Yeah Clint...?" Tony said still staring at their handiwork in shock.

"I think it's time for a vacation to an undisclosed location..." Clint said backing away from the window and edging towards the door.

"Ya think? Quick gets our parkas and let's get out of here!" Tony said quickly looking for his keys.

"Where are we going?" Clint asked as he quickly dragged out their emergency rations.

"Antarctica! They'll never look for us there!" Tony shouted as as he threw on his emergency-speedy-exit-the-country-backpack and ran out the door.

"RUN COMRADE RUN!" Clint shouted as they both hastily exited the building with massive parkas and snow gear balanced on their heads. Everyone gave them weird looks - it was the middle of the summer.

**A/N: Oh dear. Wanna see what they'll do in Antarctica? With some female penguins? Ahahhaha**


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N: I'm so sorry for the wait! Prepare to be mobbed with update emails – if you want to be that is XD**

**Chapter 36**

It was cold.

It was dark.

It was freaking Antarctica.

And in 5 minutes Clint had lost sight of his partner in crime.

"TONY WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?" Clint shouted into the blizzard.

"Meep."

Clint froze as he slowly turned around.

There was nothing there in the darkness. His eye twitched.

"Meep."

He quickly glanced to his left – white snow was all he saw for miles.

"Meeeeeeeep."

Clint fearfully glanced below his feet and paled.

Hundreds of massive glowing green mutated eyes of hungry ice fish looked back up at him – _like he was a tasty snack. _

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHH!" he screamed as he ran across the ice with the pack of mutated glow fish swimming after him below the thin sheet of ice.

"Meeeeep! meep! meep! meep! Meeeeeeeeeeep!" the large freaky fish chanted as they swam after him.

_Crack_.

Clint froze as he stared at the large cracks appearing on the ice in horror.

"No…no…oh god no!" he said frantically jumped around. The mob of fish waited in anticipation.

"MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEP!" they all said together. The vibrations were too much for the ice.

CRACK!

"NOOOOOOO!" Clint shouted as he crashed into the water. It was freezing cold!

The freaky glowing fish surrounded him instantly.

Clint stared at the hungry pack of fish.

The man-eating fish stared back.

"Meep." one of the said raising his little fin.

"I DON'T WANNA BE FISH FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO D! Clint screamed as he marathon swam through the water as fast as his thick parka would let him.

Meanwhile in a tiny igloo not too far away.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Tony died laughing hysterically as he watched the poor man swim for his life through a little camera attached to his parka.

He fell off his snow chair still laughing.

However he froze as he stared at a pair of odd flippers. He slowly looked up and came face to face with the unimpressed face of a _king_ _penguin_.

"What? It's a social experiment!" Tony said defensively to the penguin watching him cackling in his igloo laboratory. Equipped with everything ice could possibly make. Even an espresso machine.

"Squeak," the penguin said slowly as it waddled closer. Tony narrowed his eyes at the self-righteous penguin.

"I ain't scared of _you_ flippers," he said dangerously.

The penguin promptly whipped out a machine gun.

"_Squeak_," he said more threateningly.

Tony's hands instantly went up.

BANG!

The next thing he knew he had his butt in the snow outside his igloo as the igloo door slammed shut behind him. He looked up an came face to face with an army of gigantic penguins staring him down.

"D-d-d-oes anyone wanna cuddle?" he squeaked as he shivered from the cold.

All the female penguins shared an evil look. Then they attacked.

"I HAVE A GIRLFRIEEEEEEEEND!" Tony shouted as he mobbed to the ground.

The animals of the antarctic were _not_ happy with these foreigners.

**A/N: Let me know if I should continue! I know it's been sometime since the last update. Still interested? **


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37 **

Clint and Natasha were just back from a SHIELD mission when a whirl wind of motion caught their eye from down the hall.

"GET OUT OF MY WAY!" Tony shouted as he zoomed past the frozen assassins.

_Whoosh. _

It would have been a very average sight – if it wasn't for the odd lumps sticking out of Tony's head.

"Are those _mushrooms_ growing out of his skull…?" Natasha asked slowly. Clint squinted his eyes as Tony skidded to a halt at the locked door at the end of the hall. He instantly spun around and started running back the way he came.

"I don't know - let me check," Clint said as the genius tried to run past them. Clint promptly grabbed Tony by the scruff of his shirt and the two spies took a closer look at the multicoloured fungus growing out of his head.

"LET ME GO! LET ME GO! LET ME GO!" Tony wailed and he frantically waved his arms around trying to get out of Clint's death grip.

"When the heck did _this_ happen?" Natasha asked in disbelief as she poked one of the wiggly pieces of mold.

"STOP TOUCHING THEM!" Tony sobbed. They were sensitive.

"COME BACK HERE STARK! I NEED TO DISINFECT YOU!" Steve hollered as he ran around the corner decked out in a ski mask, a pair of iron gloves, one of Bruce's science goggles and a large can of disinfectant spray.

Clint promptly dropped the squirming genius.

"Is he _contagious_?" he exclaimed in horror staring at his hand. Natasha promptly rubbed her hand on the back of his Hawkeye uniform and took a gigantic step back. He glared at her in betrayal.

"I DON'T NEED ANY DISINFECTING!" Tony screamed as he fell to the floor and ran for his life.

"HOW COULD YOU CRASH BRUCE'S FUNGUS LAB EXPERIMENT WHILE SLEEPWALKING?" Steve shouted in anger.

"I WAS DRUGGED!" Tony wailed as he ran down the stairs and out of sight. Steve whipped out a second spray can and dashed through the door after him.

_Cricket…cricket…cricket…_

"Natasha…my hand is itching…" Clint said in fear. Natasha narrowed her eyes. Someone was going to die.

"Where is Bruce Banner?" Natasha said dangerously.

**A/N: Oh dear. Bruce how could you leave something like that lying around? **


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38 – wiggle shrooms **

Fury paused as he heard a lot of evil cackling coming from the nuclear experimentation room on the research floor.

His scientists were _not_ supposed to sound like that. Diabolical laughter was a serious offense at SHIELD. Unless it wasn't SHIELD scientists at all…

"Agent Hill….?" Fury said slowly into him com link.

"They're _here_ sir," she said gravely. Fury's eye twitched.

The next thing they knew a lab door burst open to reveal and angry looking Nick Fury.

He stalked into the room full of diabolical laughter and stared at 4 Avengers covered in…mutated _mushrooms_.

For a moment he debated on whether he should just give up and walk away. But he was the _damn_ director of this organization – he was going to stick it through to the end. Even if it killed him. He wished the likelihood of that was not as high as he feared it was.

"Before I ask why you are all growing mushrooms out of your bodies…what on _earth_ are you doing?" Fury said slowly. The guilty avengers all quickly blocked the view of the window behind them.

"Nothing!" they all said in unison. Fury narrowed his eyes.

"Agent Romanoff and agent Barton – I expected more from you," he said in disapproval. Natasha's eyes darkened.

"Director…if someone infected you with hundreds of mutated fungi that will take weeks to remove – what would you do?" she asked guardedly. He paused.

"What the hell are you talking abo-" he froze as he came face to face with the disgusting view of a hulk twitching on the ground with hundreds of green glowing mushrooms covering every inch of his green body. Oh dear god he looked like mushroom death warmed over.

"Hulk…no like tiny wiggle shrooms!" Hulk groaned as he coughed up another shroom. It was an ugly brown one too.

Fury stared at the insanity before him.

"You all know what this means right?" he said slowly. They all paled as they saw the odd look in his eyes.

"No Fury…you wouldn't!" Steve said in horror.

"QUARANTINED!" he shouted before he promptly slammed the door shut in their faces and locked it from the other side.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOO!" Tony wailed falling to his knees scratching at the metal door. Fury whipped out his tasser and melted the lock shut. He spun around the pointed at a random agent in the crowd.

"You! You there! Put the ship on red alert! We have an epidemic to prevent," Fury said before he stalked down the hall with a vicious smile on his face.

This meant at least 2 days without any Avengers shenanigans. He was in heaven.

Too bad his hand was starting to itch a little.

**A/N: I died writing that. XD **


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39 **

_Outside quarantine. _

BANG! CRASH! BOOM! SCREAM! RIP! BANG! BANG! SMACK!

Maria Hill and several security agents stared at the bolted door in horror.

"What is going _on_ in there?" agent Hill asked slowly. The trembling agents beside her frantically shook their heads.

"We don't know! We're scared to open the door!" they whispered in fear.

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEECH!

"_Holy crap…"_ one of the white faced agents said promptly taking a step back.

"Hold it together agents! It can't be that bad!" Maria said firmly. She had to believe that lie to continue to keep standing there and not run for her life. She had to set an example for the rest of her agents.

But _damn_ was she scared shitless too.

_Inside quarantine. _

"I WILL BEAT YOUR MUSHROOMS INTO THE GROUND!" Tony shouted from behind the overturned desk he was hiding behind. Natasha narrowed her eyes from the other side of the room.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Red mushrooms flew through the air and sliced right through Tony's barricade. He froze in shock.

"ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME YA CRAZY RUSSIAN?" Tony shrieked. Natasha blinked.

"Stark – I have never _not_ wanted to kill you," she said honestly. He thought about it for a second.

"True – FIRE!" Tony shouted as he released his mushroom catapult.

Clint froze as the yellow fungus flew through the air right for him.

"MOVE CLINT MOVE!" Natasha shouted – but she was too late.

SMACK!

"I'VE BEEN HIT! NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Clint shouted falling to his knees in horror. The Tony mushroom had completely paralyzed his right arm.

Natasha's eyes blazed with an inextinguishable flame of rage.

Oh dear god someone was going to die.

She whipped out her mushroom launcher and picked up her ultimate blood red missile mushroom– she had been growing it for hours.

"DIE! STARK! DIE!" she roared before she slammed her hand on the trigger and flew back from the force of the launch.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Tony shouted in slow motion as he dived behind the unconscious Hulk mushroom. The gigantic mushroom missile missed Tony by an inch and smacked straight into the Hulk's stomach. The hulk groaned. Tony sighed in relief – he was safe.

Too bad the impact caused the hulk to roll over and squish the poor genius. Tony's eyes bulged.

OOMPH!

" $(&)!* * &($*& ($* (&!$)!" Tony's screams were muffled by hundreds of glowing mushrooms.

That was the end of Tony Stark.

"LET ME OUT!" Steve wailed scratching on the only door in this room. He didn't want to die as a mushroom!

Suddenly the door swung open and Steve nearly fell flat on his face.

"Dreams do come true?" he said with all the hope in the world. They all stared at the light with hope shinning in their eyes.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Fury screamed as he was thrown through the doorway and freedom was slammed shut in their face. Natasha patted Clint on the back as the hope shattered on his face.

They all stared at their director…..he was no longer technically bald.

"OH MY GOD! He's infected with the damn mushrooms _too_!" Steve shouted as he promptly burst into tears. It was too much for him!

Natasha suddenly narrowed her eyes.

"You! _You're_ the reason we're all still here!" Natasha said dangerously advancing on her traitorous boss. Fury paled as he backed away from his fuming agent. Nothing was scarier then the the look in her eyes. He froze as he noticed a looming red eyed figure towering behind the angry Russian.

He regretted his original statement immediately.

"WHAT IS _THAT_?" Fury shouted in horror. They all spun around and stared at the most enormous monster blob they have ever seen. Tony and the hulk have merged into the worst nightmare being imaginable. Courtesy of their mushrooms linking them together.

"ATTACK MY BROTHER!" Tony shouted raising one of their mushroom arms.

All the Avengers plus Fury promptly turned around and joined Steve in his pitiful attempts to have someone on the other side of the door rescue them.

"OPEN THE DAMN DOOR SOMEBODY!" they shrieked banging on the door.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

They all paled.

"Hulk. No. Like. WIGGLY SHROOMS!" Hulk-Tony roared angrily.

May the Avengers rest in pieces.

**A/N: That…that was the craziest shit I have ever wrote in my time on fanfiction. O.O**


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40**

5 Avengers and 1 SHIELD director were finally shipped out of quarantine and locked away in a stuffy SHIELD medical room. They were all bandaged from head to toe and handcuffed to their beds. Bruce's handcuffed were made out of double plated titanium and even then there was a taser stuck to the wall just in case.

"When we get out of here – all of you are going to _die_," Fury muttered darkly from the corner of the room. Clint snorted.

"Director – frankly you did this to yourself," he said as he laid face first on his bed. The stupid mushroom removal process hurt like _hell_.

"When are we going to get out of here?" Steve sniffled into his pillow. Being in a room with Tony Stark for too long had negative side effects on the poor Captain. Natasha clenched her fists.

"We could have gotten out a _long_ time ago if they didn't confiscate my gun," she growled.

"You know what this has come to right?" Tony said gravely as he glanced at the rest of his team and boss. All their eyes widened.

"No…" Fury said in horror.

"_Yes_…we must finally resort to the most desperate of escape measures," Tony said solemnly. He would regret this decision for the rest of pathetic life.

_40 minutes later. _

Loki stared at the Avengers.

The Avengers stared back.

He gave their mushrooms a pointed look.

Their growl told him not to push it.

"I will help – in one second," Loki said raising a finger. "BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH A!" he fell on the ground crying tears of laughter.

"LOKI IF YOU DON'T STOP LAUGHING WE WILL STRANGLE YOU!" Natasha shouted dangerously. Loki wiped the tears from his eyes – it was too much! They were covered in rainbows of disgusting fungus!

"I shall help you escape – under _one_ condition," he gasped through his hysteria.

"And what is _that_?" Natasha asked narrowing her eyes. He grinned evilly and handed her a piece of paper. She took it warily and glanced down at the messy chicken scratches.

"_Say it_," he whispered in anticipation. Natasha went bright red and promptly handed Stark the note.

"YOU SAY IT!" she shouted in horror. Tony glanced at the paper and paled. Everyone read it over his shoulder and promptly took a gigantic step back.

"HE GAVE IT TO _YOU_ RED!" he shouted shoved it back into her hands. Natasha growled and threw it at his face.

"THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I AM SAYING THAT!" she screamed at him.

"Then I guess you're all stuck here," Loki said with a shrug.

"_SOMEBODY_ SAY IT!" Clint groaned banging his head against the wall. Steve took one look at the last hope he had of ever getting out of here.

"I WILL SAY THE DAMN NOTE!" Steve said raising his hand in the madness.

Everyone froze.

He truly was a hero.

Or someone desperate enough to do anything to get away from this insane group of people.

Steve took the crumpled note and started reading it with trembling hands. Oh this better be worth it.

"Loki you are the star in my dull sky, the flame that keeps my heart alive, the most handsome prince that ever lived, your black locks of hair roll down your shoulders like intense waterfalls of heaven. Your beautiful green eyes are like a deep forest that contains my gardens of Eden. Oh my _god_. I shall follow you to the ends of the earth and hogtie your brother and gag his big mouth with a stress ball so he doesn't follow us too. Nothing shall tear us apart except the burning flame of jealous _passion_? When does this bullshit end? I promise I shall stand by your side as you conquer the world that is rightfully – oh hell no. I don't make promises –" Everyone gave him the death stare. "-ALRIGHT FINE! I will be your bitch – oh my god – whether you want me or not. Until the ends of time you have my life, my soul and my holy pus -_holy shit_ this is rated R!" Steve said in horror.

Clint promptly shot Natasha a burning suspicious jealous look. She glared at him dangerously.

"Don't even try Barton," she growled. Steve went ghostly white as he read the last line.

"…Oh no. Please don't make me say the last one," Steve said desperately begging Loki with his eyes.

"SAY IT!" they all shouted. They were so close to freedom! Take one for the team Steve! Die from embarrassment so that they could all live!

"…please give me a leash so that I could be your loyal groveling dog for the rest of my pathetic worthless human life," Steve sobbed through his words. Loki cackled like no tomorrow as he leaned against the wall. It wasn't even meant for the Cap – but hell was that fun to watch.

"_Priceless_ – now jump," Loki said tapping the only reinforced window in the room and making it disappear. They all stared at him like he was crazy.

"You want us to jump….FROM A 3 STORY BUILDING?" Fury shouted in disbelief.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! The SHIELD base was suddenly on red alert.

Maria Hill burst through the door in a full body biohazardous suit. At least _someone_ had brains in this organization.

"NOBODY LEAVES THIS ROOM UNLESS THEY WANT TO GET GASED UNDERSTOOD?" she said threateningly pointing her gas gun at them.

All their hands went up.

"Well that's my cue to go…" Loki said as he inched towards the door.

All the Avengers narrowed their eyes and shared a dark look.

"AVENGERS – GROUP HUG!" they shouted before they promptly body sandwiched Loki to the ground.

"NOOOOO THE MUSHROOMS ARE TICKLING PLACES THAT ARE NOT MEANT TO BE TICKLED!" he wailed in horror as he got attacked on all sides.

"That's just _wrong_ people," Maria said in disgust as she stared at the weird mushroom/avengers/Loki mountain.

Nobody would ever be the same again at SHIELD.

**A/N: And that shall be the end of the Adventures of wiggle shrooms in this story. LOL on to other crazy stuff from my imagination box! (It's a really cool box – be jealous of my box :))**


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 41**

**The first reason why you should not open doors when you hear screaming. **

"AHHHHHHHHH!" a muffled scream was heard echoing down the hall.

Clint and Natasha both paused as they walked down an empty SHIELD hall and stared at the metal door with matching suspicious looks.

"Are we on the interrogation floor?" Natasha asked carefully. Clint slowly shook his head.

"No, that's on level 13…," he said cautiously as he took a step closer to the door and pressed his ear against the metal surface. He heard the oddest noise that sounded like a sob before he leaded in a bit too much and fell flat on his face as the door swung open.

"God damn it who the hell is making noises-" Clint starts to rant until he looks up and stares at the scene in front of them.

Stark was stripped down to all his boxer glory hanging off of the most gigantic wedgy machine Clint has _ever_ seen. He had an enormous piece of chalk in his hand and massive tears rolling down his face.

"WRITE IT AGAIN!" Agent Hill growled as she _smacked_ the ground with her meter stick of discipline. Clint stared at the black board Stark was being forced to write on.

"I…will…not…use…agent…Hill's…panties…as…weapons of mass destruction…," Stark sobbed as he wrote out the same phrase for the hundredth time. Agent's Hill's eyes darkened.

"And you better remember this!" she spat. Natasha whistled lowly.

"How the _hell_ did he manage to do that?" she asked blankly.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" they all heard a familiar voice scream from down the hall.

"Oh for the love of god what _now_?" Clint muttered.

"MARCHING LADIES UNDERGARMENTS THAT EXPLODE UPON CONTACT! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES MY FELLOW MIDGAURDIAN FRIENDS!" Thor's voice boomed from down the hall. Clint and Natasha shared a wary look and glanced behind them just as a wide eye Asgardian ran around the corner with a _mob_ of multicoloured lingerie chasing after him. One of the red lacy underwear lunched itself in slow motion at the poor warrior's face like a flying ninja assassin.

"I'VE BEEN HIT!" Thor cried as he fell to the floor and was thoroughly molested by the army of Agent Hill's mutated underwear.

_BOOM_!

_BOOM_!

_BOOM_!

_BOOM_!

"Aw that's got to hurt," Clint said with a wince.

**A/N: Poor Tony! But he deserves it… XD LOL Hey I'm back guys! I should go update 100 days of tony stark madness…eventually. Up for round two? **


End file.
